“This is all you have, this is where you are conscious, this is the only place you get to live, so live this life, now” I have caught myself more than once trying to explain to people around me to stop waiting for something better to come in life. I always tell them, and myself, that this is the life you have, this is where you are conscious now. If there is an afterlife, we’re not conscious there, so why wait to be happy there, why wait to be born again, why wait if this is all you have? This is your life, you run your life, you have control over it, you choose what to do. And then just like that, at some point in everyone’s life that fantasy of control gets ripped away. This year control was taken away from everybody; curfews, restrictions and punishments were set in place to control the country’s every move. The lack of a sense of control awakens anxiety in the individual. It is a terrible feeling to have no control over one’s life and it influences one’s mental health. The feeling of no control traveled from a personal to a global level this year and every individual is affected by it. This body of work explores the terrible feeling of the unknown, the feeling of losing control over your life, the feeling of being lost. On a personal level, I lost a sense of control over my body and mind in many ways this past year. Starting with outside people effecting my sense of control. Government restrictions, day to day patterns and schedules that keep your mental health in check to physical violations, to my body getting injured and is unable to work for weeks. Losing a sense of control because of these elements cause one to lose a sense of control over the self. This became clear when I had to deal with unwanted mental health diagnosis. This artwork communicated the feelings I went through when I was diagnosed. Feelings where I felt like I lost my identity, my sense of self, control over my life. The idea of having the take medication just to function in society. This messed with my head because how can I say that I am living my life and is control of my life, if everything can fall apart if I miss one day of medication. I am not in control, medication is in control, I am not in control the government restrictions are in control. I am not in control, my mental illness is in control, I am not in control, Covid-19 and the fear around it is in control. I am not in control and that makes me anxious. This body of work explores the terrible feeling of the unknown, the feeling of losing control over your life, the feeling of being lost. On a personal level, I lost a sense of control over my body and mind in many ways this past year. Starting with outside people effecting my sense of control. Government restrictions, day to day patterns and schedules that keep your mental health in check to sextual violation, to my body getting injured and is unable to work for weeks. Losing a sense of control because of these elements cause one to lose a sense of control over the self. This became clear when I had to deal with unwanted mental health diagnosis. This artwork communicated the feelings I went through when I was diagnosed. Feelings where I felt like I lost my identity, my sense of self, control over my life. The idea of having the take medication just to function in society. This messed with my head because how can I say that I am living my life and is control of my life, if everything can fall apart if I miss one day of medication. I am not in control, medication is in control, I am not in control the government restrictions are in control. I am not in control, my mental illness is in control, I am not in control, Covid-19 and the fear around it is in control. I am not in control and that makes me anxious.